You have a baby and you’ve never been more tired in your life. Sure, you’ve heard the advice: Nap when the baby naps. Leave the dirty dishes, and don’t worry about the laundry – you’ll get to it eventually.

It’s true that daytime sleep can help combat sleep deprivation. But the reality is you can’t always sleep when your baby does. So what advice can you really use to get some sleep? One tried-and-true strategy is to share nighttime feedings with your partner so you’ll both be guaranteed at least one stretch of solid sleep (though that isn’t an option for every parent). Read on for more ideas on getting better sleep and coping with sleep deprivation.

How to get sleep with a newborn

1. Pump and sleep

For the first couple of months or so, your baby will need to eat every two to four hours. If you’re exclusively breastfeeding, that means you’ll be up every two to four hours as well. After a few weeks of this, mind-numbing exhaustion can set in.

To grab a couple more hours of straight sleep, you may want to introduce a bottle when your baby is three to four weeks old (as long as breastfeeding is going well and your newborn is gaining weight appropriately).

For example, you can pump your breast milk before hitting the sack at 9 p.m. Your partner can then wake your baby between 10 and 11 p.m. to offer a bottle of your pumped breast milk. That gives you the opportunity to sleep from 9 p.m. until around 1 a.m., when your baby wakes up to eat again. For many new moms, a stretch of four hours of sleep can feel like a miracle.

One caveat: If you’re struggling with your breast milk supply, or dealing with engorgement or clogged ducts, this strategy could exacerbate these issues. Proceed with caution.

2. Set the stage for sleep

Once your baby gets the hang of breastfeeding, they won’t need as long to nurse at each feeding. And your breast milk contains an amino acid (tryptophan) that helps your baby fall asleep quickly after they eat. (Tryptophan helps your baby produce melatonin, a sleep hormone that regulates their circadian rhythm.)

Your body also produces hormones when you nurse that help you to relax and fall back asleep. Try to take advantage of this by minimizing your nighttime disruptions: Keep your baby in a safe sleeping place close to your bed, so you can roll over, feed, and hopefully both get back to sleep fast. (Just don’t share a bed, since bed-sharing not only poses a risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) but can also lead to more disrupted sleep for both of you.)

If you’re bottle-feeding, prepare the tools you need for nighttime feedings before you go to bed. That way, they’re ready to go when you need them. (And skip cleaning up until morning, when you can wash and sterilize used bottle equipment.) Keep the lights low while you feed your baby, and don’t change them unless they have a poopy diaper.

3. Schedule one night on, one night off

One of the big upsides of bottle-feeding is it makes it possible for parents to share the workload overnight by switching off on feeding duty every other night. Even just a couple of nights of solid, mostly uninterrupted sleep can make a huge difference.

To take advantage of this survival tactic, it helps to be supplementing with formula or formula feeding. If you’re breastfeeding and pumping, you can also make it work – you’ll just need to wake up and pump during the night.

Feeding doesn’t have to be all on you and your partner: Consider setting up a rotation of loved ones who can drop by to help out for a night or two each week. Or, if finances allow for it, hire an overnight postpartum doula who can feed your baby (or bring your baby to you for breastfeeding) and care for them as needed while you sleep.

Another way parents can split up the work is to take feeding shifts every evening. Once again, this can get a bit tricky if you’re breastfeeding, especially during the first couple of months of your baby’s life. You may find it’s a sustainable strategy as your baby gets older and needs to eat less frequently.

For example, you might handle all of the feedings during the first shift, from 10:30 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. Then, your partner takes the second shift, from 2:30 a.m. to 6 a.m. Splitting up the night can make you both more functional the next day.

4. Sleep in separate rooms

Sometimes, switching off night shifts simply isn’t enough to ensure you get quality sleep. This can be especially true if you’re used to waking up at your baby’s slightest stir to breastfeed, or if you’re a very light sleeper.

On a night when you really need undisturbed slumber, you may find it’s helpful for your partner (or a loved one who’s helping out) to sleep in a separate room with your baby. If you’re breastfeeding, your loved one can still help you get better sleep by bringing your baby to you for a feeding, and then getting them back down to sleep in the other room.

5. Set an early bedtime

To get more sleep, try going to bed at night when your baby does, even if that’s at 7 or 8 p.m.

This strategy can be hard to stick to – there’s always something more that needs to be done. If nothing else, it’s nice to have some quiet time in the evening to relax in peace and quiet. But try to remember, this isn’t forever. Switching up your sleep routine for a few months can protect your sleep and help you feel better the next day.

How to cope with sleep deprivation

Even with the most careful sleep practices, as a new parent you’ll still get a lot less sleep than you did before having a baby. And the sleep you do get will be broken up: You might get, for example, two to four hours in a row instead of eight.

The sleep deprivation new parents experience is both physically and emotionally draining. It can cause you to feel irritable and make it hard to concentrate and accomplish even simple tasks. Research also suggests a link between sleep deprivation and the baby blues (low mood lasting for less than two weeks) as well as postpartum depression (PPD) and other mood disorders.

A 2019 study of more than 2,000 German parents found that sleep duration and satisfaction declined significantly for both moms and dads in the first three months after the birth of their baby. Good sleep didn’t return (to pre-pregnancy levels) until up to six years after a child’s birth. Fortunately, research has also found that sleep usually improves significantly between six weeks and seven months postpartum.

Believe it or not, most parents really do eventually find a new equilibrium – even if it usually involves less sleep than they were once used to. In the meantime, there’s only so much you can do early on to get more restorative sleep. But a few tips can help you to care for yourself and make the most of the sleep you do get:

• Munch on a midnight power snack. You may find that a big glass of water accompanied by a quick snack can give you the extra boost you need to make it through those long, sleep-deprived nights. And breastfeeding moms need more calories, too. Aim for snacks that will pack a punch in terms of calories and nutrients – with protein, fat, and high-quality carbs. For example, peanut butter on a slice of whole wheat bread, or a serving of yogurt topped with berries. Paired with hydration, you might find that food helps you feel much better in the morning after a night when it seems like nobody sleeps.
• Take daytime naps. If you can manage to fall asleep during the day – even for 15 to 30 minutes – a nap when your baby’s sleeping can make a big difference.
• Let the dishes go. Your sleep and well-being take priority over household tasks. Use the time your baby sleeps for naps instead of chores.
• Postpone entertaining. You’ll get lots of visit requests from well-meaning family and friends in the weeks after your baby’s birth – and it’s okay to say no. If you feel up to seeing your loved ones, by all means go for it. Just don’t be afraid to excuse yourself as necessary to rest.
• Ask for help. Speaking of well-meaning loved ones – take them up on their offers to help! Let your friends or family wash the dishes, cook a meal, walk the dog, or do the laundry, and don’t feel guilty about it.
• Use caffeine effectively. Caffeine can help wake you up after an unrefreshing night of sleep – and it’s safe to drink coffee while breastfeeding. Just keep your consumption to 200 mg per day. (That’s about two cups of homemade coffee or one cup from a popular chain.) Avoid caffeine in the late afternoon and evening, since it can seriously disrupt your sleep, and drink less if you find it makes you anxious or jittery.
• Practice sleep hygiene. You’ve heard the recommendations before, but they’re more important now than ever: Avoid screen time in the hour or so before bed, keep your room dark and a cool and comfortable temperature, and stick to a regular bedtime schedule.
• Take care of yourself. During postpartum recovery, rest is your best friend. Go slow as you heal and adapt to your new life. After the first three weeks, when you’re up for it, light walking and gentle movement can be very beneficial. You may also find that simple relaxation exercises, such as deep breathing, can help clear your mind and improve your mood. Make sure you’re eating enough (check out the best postpartum foods for new moms), and try to get outside each day for at least a few minutes.
• Know when to get help. Sleep deprivation has been shown to increase the risk of postpartum depression (PPD). Talk to your doctor right away if you’re exhausted but still can’t sleep – even when you have the chance. Other signs to get help: Your mind is racing every time you try to sleep; you’re feeling sad, hopeless, and unable to enjoy things that usually give you pleasure. PPD – as well as postpartum anxiety, OCD, mania, and psychosis – can be dangerous for you and your baby. Don’t wait to ask for help: Support is available. If you ever feel like you may harm yourself or your infant, call or text 988 for free, qualified, confidential mental health support.